subject heading: urgent!

October 2, 2007

I have yet to explain the purpose of this blog, and I’ve been slacking…in the meantime, suffice it to say that I’m a film critic part of the time, and I get e-mail. As follows:
My name is Mathew XXXXXXXXXXX III. I’m an 11th grade student at Ripley High School in Ripley, WV and I’m a big fan of yours. I’ve read your reviews for the most part I agree with you. The nature of your writing appeals to me and as a journalism student myself, I’m constantly trying to express myself with the same kind of professional honesty as you do. I have a great ammount of respect for you and your work as well.
This is why I was severely upset to find that you’re homosexual. As I was doing some research on you for an assignment, I came across a review that you’d written about Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny. Upon reading this vile excuse for an exposition I was left with no choice but to arrive at the conclusion that you’re interested in sexual contact with members of the same gender.
I’d like to say on behalf of myself and all other nongays that we’re sorry to have lost your support and that we can only hope that one day you’ll decide to stop eating sweet syrups or jams out of other men’s rectums.

Yours Truly, Matt XXXXXXXXXX (tre)
P.S. Fuck you and your family!

Holy fuck.


One Response to “subject heading: urgent!”

  1. lichman Says:

    seriously. stop eating those sweet syrups or jams out of other men’s rectums.
    come to more open bars.

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